Month: August 2023

The Final Breath: a short, short story

“William thought of that Sacrament now and felt bad for all the children who were forced to divide their ordinary lives into sins and not-sins so they would have something to say to a cassocked stranger.” 

Ann Napolitano, Hello Beautiful

That is where it all started, she thought, as she lay her head back on the pillow reviewing the course of her life as she struggled to breathe.

She saw herself clearly, first as a young girl, fearful, as she crept closer to a curtain which she would step behind to talk to a man about bad things she did or thought.

She started memorizing in her head, I yelled at Mary, I wanted the doll my sister got for Christmas, and on and on through a litany of events and thoughts from her week wondering if these were good enough sins to tell the priest.

Now, in old age, she realized that this is where she started to divide the world into good and bad, sin and not-sin, black and white, where no middle ground held any merit—a line drawn as if chopped by a cleaver.

As she wept, holding this young girl in her heart, she began to forgive herself for all the ways she judged herself, all the times she shut herself off from her own desires, cut herself off from others out of fear, expressed anger at those who saw events and people from a different perspective. All the ways she stopped herself from fully living her life.

She opened her eyes, felt all the love in her heart, gasped for a final breath, and cried out to anyone who would listen, “I am alive.”

“Hate the sin, love the sinner.” 

Mahatma Gandhi

“He tried to name which of the deadly seven might apply, and when he failed, he decided to append an eighth, regret.” 

Charles Frazier, Cold Mountain

“Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace, joy, and serenity.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

For Ongoing Resource List: Reading for Heart and Mind

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Soar Like an Eagle

Today, as I reflect on my week to see what inspires me, I look to my grandson who received the highest Boy Scout award, Eagle Scout. Sev joined Cub Scouts at age 5 and today at age 18 he looks back at hundreds of hours dedicated to learning, serving others, donating time, helping his community, and leading others to develop skills in planning, preparing, and living with vision.

I bow to Sev and other young men and women like him who look to what can appear as a ‘sorry excuse for a world’ and rather than give up in despair, move forward with integrity, kindness, thoughtfulness, and creativity while living from their heart to heal and make whole.

Also at age 5, Sev received his first drum kit. Music fills his world, and he has dedicated many hours of learning and practice in becoming a talented drummer, adding keyboard, guitar, and vocals. He is off to college now and we send him off with love and joy and a greater hope for our world’s future.

“Rise up and adopt an eagle mentality. Challenge yourself to leave environments where people have accepted mediocrity. Surround yourself with people who are going places.” 

Germany Kent

“You can run with turkeys, but it takes greater strength to fly with eagles.” 

Matshona Dhliwayo

“Be an eagle instead of flocking like pigeons. Self-discovery will always be the highest type of knowledge in one’s life.” 

Mwanandeke Kindembo

For Ongoing Resource List: Reading for Heart and Mind

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The Dive

In my kayak 
I float on water 
under the sun 
tickled by a breeze.
Clouds drift, 
rain drops splash, 
while loon teaches 
her young 
to dive to life 
under the surface. 
Like loon, I descend 
to what lies beneath 
sensory perception, 
in search of sustenance 
for my journey.

Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.

Eckhart Tolle

“Hold this rope while I dive into my soul; don’t even bother pulling it if I didn’t come up on my own.” 

Ahmed Mostafa

“I will dive into my chaos, and my Abyss will turn it into an art scene.” 

― Talismanist Giebra, Talismanist: Fragments of the Ancient Fire. Philosophy of Fragmentism Series.

For Ongoing resource List: Reading for Heart and Mind

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The Last Breath

When my baby lay dying,
we called all to our home to meet her,
to hold her, to kiss her goodbye. 
When everyone departed, we lay on our bed 
with baby at rest, spooned between, 
and I slept.
While I was sleeping, she took her last breath, 
swaddled in a yellow rose blanket, 
smelling of powder and lotion. 

When my father lay dying, 
We were called to his side.
We sat, stood around the bed,
told stories, laughed, wiped tears,
and sighed. After a night and a day 
I walked out to rest. 
While I slept, 
he took his last breath. Then we sat 
and waited and remembered as 
his spirit fully left.

When my mother lay dying,
we called all to her home, as we 
sat, cooked, ate, and talked, laughed, 
and cried, for five days and nights. 
At dusk she lay quiet.
Leaving my brother to sit vigil,
I slept. 
She took her last breath.
Seconds later, I was at her side.
We washed her body and adorned 
her with rose petals and oil.

When my sister lay dying, 
I slept in my bed,
then awakened from a phone call 
to rush to her side after she drew 
her last breath. I sat with tears, 
spoke to her spirit as memories of 
her sweetness and her challenges 
washed over me— the joy, the delight, 
the losses that formed her life.

Now, I wonder, 
will I wake before I die?

“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what’s left and live it properly. What doesn’t transmit light creates its own darkness.”

Marcus Aurelius

“If you are living every experience fully, then death doesn’t take anything from you. There’s nothing to take because you’re already fulfilled. That’s why the wise being is always ready to die.”

Seneca

“Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to ‘die before you die’ and find that there is no death.” 

Eckhart Tolle

For Ongoing resource List: Reading for Heart and Mind

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