Month: November 2023

A Beating Heart

Each Sunday I write a poem or prose inspired by the sacred found in the ordinary during the week.

Today, the sacred is found in the moments watching my husband’s heart beating, pumping, with blood flowing, as the radiologist studies closely to find any abnormalities hidden in the ordinary beating of his heart—that which is extraordinary.

Valves opening and closing in a pulsing rhythm, on and on in each moment, each day. Through all manner of heartache, heart opening, shock, joy, grief, and peace, his heart is relied upon to simply beat.

Then the doctor shows me what he has found; a tiny hole, there from birth, has allowed a blood clot to flow through. For 75 years this hole sat silent, unobserved, hidden in the steady pump of life, until today.

Now we know. With all symptoms of this small stroke relieved, we go home with hearts pumping in gratitude.

Perfection is within imperfection. Joy found in heartache. Calm found in chaos. A heart beating, even now, with a hole hidden, deep within.  

“I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don’t intend to waste any of mine.”

Neil Armstrong

The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature.”

Joseph Campbell

“Everything can change in a heartbeat.”

Travis Pastrana

For Ongoing Resource List: Reading for Heart and Mind

Click

The Untold Story

When we are born the heavens tell a story.
We don’t know the text, so we fill in the blanks, 
to live it out or to create a new path. Without a plot
to foretell the dangers that come our way,

we trip and dance and love and grieve, 
as details of a life unfold, 
and arguments of free will rise.
We ask ourselves, “to do or not to do” —

a question we face each day, as we 
flow through life’s ups and downs,
then wonder if we still end up, after all the fuss, 
in the place foretold at our birth,
where we were headed all along.

Just as the river meanders,
with new routes created 
by natures unfolding desires,
may it be so— 
that we move along,
to exactly where we need to be.

“The world you are forced to inhabit does not match up to the world.”

Rosemary Breen, Pisces: Horoscope Compatibility

“I knew at an early age I wanted to act. Acting was always easy for me. I don’t believe in predestination, but I do believe that once you get wherever it is you are going, that is where you were going to be.”

Morgan Freeman

“What I’m saying is . . . remembering feels like time travel, right? Dreaming works the same way. Well, what if that’s all we have in the first place? Thoughts arranged in time. And we’re free—if we can only learn how—to change those thoughts around all we like. So, no predestination. One world. One ever-changing universe. And we can change it!”

Cliff Jones Jr., Dreck

For Ongoing Resource List: Reading for Heart and Mind

Click

NOTES FROM THE BOOK PAGE

GREETINGS,

I hope this finds you well in this fast moving time. I write today to give you the story of the ups and downs of my book publishing journey.

The process of compiling poems and art for a book started out like the 8-year-old me riding my bike downhill, enjoying the breeze in my hair, feeling like I could even let go of the handlebars and stretch out my arms; suddenly, I find I am going uphill— then up some more. Will this never end? I panicked last week, and a few tears fell with a stranger, on the other end of an email, who was simply trying to design and format my book, as I began to second guess my book printing decisions.

But first, back to the beginning: Digging through my poems and deciding which of my beauties are good enough to go into a book was fun, but it also brought a great deal of loud noise into my head—screaming all the should and should not’s that want to sabotage any new idea. I made my way around the noise and started to put my gems in order, initiated revisions, and cleaned up punctuation. I researched heavily, how to publish a book, and decided to hire an editor— the all-time best decision I made for this project. I chose her for a variety of reasons, but being a former English teacher moved her right up to the top of the list.

Her name is Sage. She took the entire manuscript, sharpened her metaphorical red pencil, and went to work leaving bold marks in the tiniest of spaces. As I was now biking back up hill, I cried out, “I don’t even know how to write a sentence.” You might have thought I would slink out of class with a D, but I didn’t; it turned out to be a fun and educating process. I enjoyed my writing buddy for a couple of weeks as our emails flew back and forth with laughter, encouragement, and suggestions. Then, dusting off her hands, Sage was done; she cleaned out her desk and went home—as she should; I was left on my own to step forward and figure it out.

Then I found Dave (the one on the other end of my email breakdown and my equally best decision) to help me create the cover and design the interior. I rode downhill again as he took my ideas, arranged them, and artfully brought all the elements together with his own flair. The cover, back, and spine were born, and I delighted in them.

Now we are uphill again, maybe the steepest so far, with me feeling, in various moments, like I will not reach the summit. “Whose great idea was it to write a book?” “I made a mistake.” “This is more than I can handle.” “I don’t know what I am doing.” This last one being the most trueful statement. Every little task is monumental in my beginner’s mind. I can’t say I am going downhill yet, but I keep taking in information that will inform me as to when I am ready; and, for a bit, I might just ride on flat terrain.

I know I have more hills to climb but I will write of them another time. For now, I feel grateful for the journey—even as hard as it, at times, presents itself. Even through all the losses and the changes this year has brought us, I find momentum.

Keep your pen handy!

Janis

Awaken to Morning

Each morning, the news feed stuns me: 
	images, pain, apprehension—
        helplessness in the face of atrocities. 

Each morning calls forth: 
	support, humanitarian aid, food, medical care.

Each morning:
        directs me toward the depths of humanity—
        that which links us all. 

Each morning, I sit in quiet and remember: 
         go within, anchor in, seek the calm still point, 
         believe in the sacred seed—within each living thing. 

Each morning, I awaken to wonder:
        what will be next? 

This morning: 
        I watch the yellow finch, 
        sip my tea, 
        sit in my sacred space. 

This morning, as the unthinkable looms: 
         I remember, remember, and remember—
         the source, the beauty, and the bounty of this, 
         our one amazing world.

(reworked poem from March 2022)

“Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.” 

Mahatma Gandhi

“There is peace even in the storm” 

Vincent Van Gogh, The Letters of Vincent Van Gogh

“When I’m in turmoil, when I can’t think, when I’m exhausted and afraid and feeling very, very alone, I go for walks.”

Jim Butcher, Storm Front

For Ongoing Resource List: Reading for Heart and Mind

Click

To learn more about my upcoming book, visit my book page at: http://janisdehler.com/river-spirit-books/

A Bonus Day in River Spirit Studios

El Camino Series V: Into The Calm

A big thank you goes to the collector who decided to choose this painting as the one she wants for her home.

The inspiration for Into the Calm arose from my experience of hiking El Camino de Santiago in northern Spain in 2017. The sense of calm in this painting followed the experience of feeling as if I was crawling on my knees through shale, up high elevation, in cold and foggy weather. After shedding tears and processing many emotions that arose, a feeling of inner peace filled me.

“Peace comes from within.  Do not seek it without.” 

Siddhártha Gautama

Notes From the Studio

Dancing Under One Sun II

She is varnished and ready to hang at the East Central Minnesota Image Art Show this weekend.

Check out my Events page for details. http://janisdehler.com/events/

I am not getting much time in the studio as book creation is taking the bulk of my days; it is all cyclical and I will find myself with paintbrush in hand once again.

Life is an endlessly creative experience, and we are shaping ourselves at every moment by every decision we make.

Kent Nerburn

Endings

I feel fascinated by endings that arrive with a multitude of announcement styles leaving us witnessing the crack, the break, the dissolution, or one found within a final breath.

 An ending might appear as gently as the period that ends this sentence; it is simply complete, leaving no emotion, question, or further thought.

It might come with one or more question marks: Now? Why? When? Are you kidding????

Or maybe an exclamation with excitement, surprise, or one that is severe and feels like an explosion. Yay, I am done!!! We are finished! or, Today, war is declared!

The end might come like a short story with the announcement of an impending death as we move through, with anticipation, to absorb as much as we are able in a short time, to long for more as the end appears, and to feel the shock of loss as we witness the final whisper of a phrase.

An end might be felt as if it is the end of a saga with a list following a colon. One that we know is coming but takes many chapters to bring us fully to the finale which holds a multitude of emotions: exhaustion, relief, memory, tears, laughter, confusion, and finally, hopefully, a feeling of satisfaction in that all was done, all love expressed.

The end might arrive unannounced, found in a phone call giving information, yet hits the target with a larger font in big bold black letters: THIS DOOR WILL BE CLOSING. 

If every beginning holds an ending and every ending holds a beginning, maybe an ending is never really an ending but the birthing of a conversation that lives on in memory, story, reliving, reenactment, or the way we take it apart to more fully understand, conclude, savor, or bring forward, as we learn to live or to act in a new and different way.

With these thoughts, I now say, “The end.”

“Life is like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending.”

Jim Henson

“The end of THE END is the best place to begin THE END, because if you read THE END from the beginning of the beginning of THE END to the end of the end of THE END, you will arrive at the end.” 

Lemon Snicket, The End

“It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” 

Paulo Coelho, The Zahir

For Ongoing Reading List: Reading for Heart and Mind

Click

NOTES FROM the book page

Greetings,

How did I end up compiling a book of my art and poetry at this time in my life?

 My summer art and poetry exhibition were well received with many requests from longtime supporters, as well as people I was meeting for the first time, for me to create a book that could be kept in hand to ponder the poetry and the art at leisure. I decided to follow the lead and I began a journey into learning what it takes to self-publish a book, besides, well, writing the book. (More on that wild ride another time.)

I was into a deep research dive when my sister-in-law, Cynthia, was diagnosed with terminal glioblastoma brain cancer and given possibly three months to live. This news numbed my brain while I tried to absorb what this meant for my 61-year-old sister-in-law with new grandbabies to hold and to love, my brother and my nephews who were trying to understand and accept this reality, and all of us who loved and cared for her.

A couple of summers ago at Cynthia and Bill’s cabin, after she and I returned from a robust kayak journey, Cynthia strongly suggested that I write a book about my El Camino experience from 2017. I gave the idea serious thought, but Covid hit, art became my life, and it went on the back burner. Now, it turns out the poetry and art book captured my imagination. As I write and edit, I still see Cynthia at the cabin and hear her speak to me of her vision and her belief in my ability to write. I now draw on that vision to give me momentum.

We all have people in our lives who hold up a mirror for us to better see ourselves. People who have looked upon us and have seen what we have not, or what we have held with uncertainty or even fear. Cynthia, a writer of short stories she hoped to publish, left us after a short two and a half months, but she still reminds me to speak up in support—naming what I see in another’s potential, in a loving and caring way. Is there someone who has influenced you in a way that you did not expect? I would love to hear from you.

The El Camino story is still cooking—gaining steam, making some bubbles.

Keep your pen handy..