mindful_contemplations

A Death and a Duchess

I met her after the death, after she was found, arms wrapped around her son’s lifeless body, dead for three days.

The location where the pair were found was a residential hotel in a destitute area of downtown Minneapolis, he dead from malnutrition, she clinging to life and yes, death. With no food or water, her senses dulled, the odor of his death becoming her own with the line of separation melting as they become one, waiting for the grave. She wanted and hoped that she would die with her son, but it was not to be as other tenants smelled the demise and authorities whisked her away.

Her room was one room with a bed shoved against the wall, papers strewn about, filth evident everywhere. This was my job in the mid to late 80’s, the social service arm of a private attorney managing guardianships for those who could no longer make reasonable decisions for their care. Now, discovered, Dora came under his management and my concern. Generally, I felt good about the work I was doing, the help I could provide people who could not cope on their own.

I next saw Dora in a stark room with shiny linoleum floor and bare cream-colored walls with light streaming in through the window. This cleanliness defied the smell that assaulted me as I entered with a fan blowing the putrid smell of urine and feces into my face. I saw her sitting in her wheelchair, a toothless grin on her face, cat eye rimmed glasses, thick yellow greying hair pulled back in a ponytail, emaciated from the lack of food, nothing more than a towel covering her bare bottom. I wondered, how have you survived?

The nurses expressed frustration, and I had agreed to talk to Dora about her behavior. I had brought with me a few of her worldly possessions that rested in our storage in four plastic bags and two large boxes. The lot of it mainly containing bits of paper, her son’s manuscript, old plastic bags, one dress, a sweater, a few cooking utensils, and a picture.

We reenter a discussion we had on my last visit:

Me: Dora, I understand you are still urinating in cups.

Dora gives me a nervous laugh and a look of insult.

Me: The nurses tell me you won’t use the toilet.
Dora: No, I won’t. It’s dirty. I can’t sit on it.

Me: I looked, Dora, and the toilet and bathroom are clean. I understand you go to the toilet in your chair or in paper cups and put them in drawers.
Dora: I don’t do that. Whoever told you that is lying. I need to live in a place where I can work on my son’s book. It is all I have left of him.

I sigh as I focus my gaze out the window.

Me: Dora, I am tired of the same conversation and having to come over and check on you for not using the toilet.
Dora: You know they have no right to treat me this way, I am a Duchess. I have the papers to prove it. They are at my nephews. And my niece is Bette Midler

Me: Yes, Dora, I saw the mail order papers declaring you a Duchess of a nonexistent nation.
Dora: I am on a cardiac diet. I can’t eat what they give me; it breaks my veins. I need to live alone in a hotel so I can get my meals at a restaurant and order what I like.

I listen, let Dora vent, and realize that all she is asking for is what we all desire, the freedom to choose, to live life as we want to live, believe what we want to believe. I wish for Dora to have this freedom, make choices that I might not make, and let her be. I wish for her that she could live in her own room under her own decision making, that she is a Duchess, work on her son’s manuscript, eat or not eat, as she chooses. It is what we all want. I have seen her son’s manuscript and wish for her that it was more than reams of undecipherable numbers and letters and symbols and squiggly lines.

In this moment, as I look around this room, smell the putrid smells, listen to the ramble of words, I wonder, what pain in your life brought you to this, Dora? What life events, circumstances, brought you to see this as a reality, to accept this as a life? And I realize, peeing in cups and hiding them is her effort at taking control of her life in whatever way possible.

I tell this story because it stayed with me through the years as a moment of truly seeing that at our core, we are all the same. We were both born with different tendencies, DNA, and life circumstances but in our humanity, Dora, and I both fiercely loved our children, both had thoughts that created our life, did things out of habit with some becoming an obsession, both wanted love and pleasure and avoided pain as best we could. To a more or lesser degree, we both believed our thoughts rather than letting them go.

Dora was the most challenging client I had encountered during those four years and the best teacher. There was not much I could offer her, but she was now in a place that could provide her with medication, psychiatric services, a place to grieve her losses, and maybe a move into a healthier future. Sitting with her, I felt more firmly committed to the course I had set in motion and was preparing for, wanting to work with individuals earlier in their healing process.

Dora taught me, get your thoughts in order, heal your losses, open your heart, make peace. It is the only path to truly live in freedom.

“…grief and the spirit were the two common denominators, the two underlying characteristics of all people, the ever present potential for hell or heaven at any moment.”
Stephen Levine, Unattended Sorrow

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”
Mahatma Ghandi

And, one of my favorites:

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
Joe Klaas, Twelve Steps to Happiness

On Going Resource List

The Gene Keys: Emracing Your Higher Purpose by Riuchard Rudd
Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Inform Us by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Energy Speaks: Messages from Spirit on Living, Loving, and Awakening by Lee Harris
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create an New One by Dr. Joe Dispenza
The Women by Kristin Hannah
Cosmogenesis: An Unveiling of the Expanding Universe by Brian Thomas Swimme
The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz
Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
God of Love: A Guide to the Heart of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, by Mirabai Starr
The Four Agreements: A Toltec Book of Wisdom by Don Miguel Ruiz
Mindfulness and Grief by Heather Stang
How We Live Is How We Die by Pema Chödron
The Bhagavad Gita, Translated by Eknath Easwaran
St Francis of Assisi: Brother of Creation by Mirabai Starr
Wild Wisdom Edited by Neil Douglas-Klotz
Earth Prayers From Around The World, Ed by Elizabeth Roberts & Elias Amidon
The Tao of Relationships by Ray Grigg
Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue
Unconditional Love and Forgiveness by Edith R. Stauffer, Ph.D.
Keep Going: The Art of Perseverance by Joseph M. Marshall III
Art & Fear by David Bayless & Ted Orland
Quantum-Touch by Richard Gordon
The Van Gogh Blues: The Creative Persons Path Through Depression by Eric Maisel, PhD
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris
Forever Ours: Real Stories of Immortality and Living by Janis Amatuzio
Personal Power Through Awareness by Sanaya Roman
Violence & Compassion by His Holiness the Dahlai Lama
Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
Devotions by Mary Oliver
To Bless the Space Between Us by John O’Donohue
Meditations From the Mat by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison
The House of Belonging: poems by David Whyte
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Soul an Archaeology Edited by Phil Cousineau
A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield
Listening Point by Sigurd Olson
I Sit Listening to the Wind by Judith Duerk
Dancing Moons by Nancy Wood
The Soul of Rumi, Translations by Coleman Barks
Keep Going by Joseph M. Marshall III
Arriving at your own Door by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Hidden Secrets of Water by Paolo Consigli
Conquest of Mind by Eknath Easwaran
Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown
Practicing Peace in Times of War by Pema Chodron
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Unattended Sorrow by Stephen Levine
Joy in Loving, Mother Theresa
The Joy of Living by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
Let Your LIfe Speak by Parker Palmer
Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Essence of the Upanishads by Eknath Easwaran
Welcoming the Unwelcome by Pema Chodron
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways Of Animals by Jamie Sams and David Carson

A Dinner Party for Eight

The dinner was black tie,
our own interpretation,
with imagination,
exceptional, she said. 

John arrived with a work glove
tucked in his shirt,
Peter a paper top hat,
a bow tie and vest.

Couples in youth, bending
toward then, celebrate 
now; love, romance, 
friendship – sacrament – we said.

A crown roast centered the table
with little white hats for the bones. 
We blessed our meal, toasted our hosts,
and dined with heart to our fill.

Post dinner entertainment
brought the women to sing.
The men went out to the porch 
to work up their routine.

What I remember after,
was laughter,
a flash, and
the glow of four moons.

©Janis Dehler

“A smile starts on the lips, a grin spreads to the eyes, a chuckle comes from the belly; but a good laugh bursts forth from the soul, overflows, and bubbles all around.”
Carolyn Birmingham

“In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.“
Khalil Gibran

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.“
Anais Nin

May the love and laughter that is in our hearts today overflow from within us and spread throughout the world like a wildfire, blessing all in its path. May we each know even a moment of loving kindness.

Ongoing Resouce List

The Gene Keys: Emracing Your Higher Purpose by Riuchard Rudd
Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Inform Us by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Energy Speaks: Messages from Spirit on Living, Loving, and Awakening by Lee Harris
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create an New One by Dr. Joe Dispenza
The Women by Kristin Hannah
Cosmogenesis: An Unveiling of the Expanding Universe by Brian Thomas Swimme
The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz
Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
God of Love: A Guide to the Heart of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, by Mirabai Starr
The Four Agreements: A Toltec Book of Wisdom by Don Miguel Ruiz
Mindfulness and Grief by Heather Stang
How We Live Is How We Die by Pema Chödron
The Bhagavad Gita, Translated by Eknath Easwaran
St Francis of Assisi: Brother of Creation by Mirabai Starr
Wild Wisdom Edited by Neil Douglas-Klotz
Earth Prayers From Around The World, Ed by Elizabeth Roberts & Elias Amidon
The Tao of Relationships by Ray Grigg
Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue
Unconditional Love and Forgiveness by Edith R. Stauffer, Ph.D.
Keep Going: The Art of Perseverance by Joseph M. Marshall III
Art & Fear by David Bayless & Ted Orland
Quantum-Touch by Richard Gordon
The Van Gogh Blues: The Creative Persons Path Through Depression by Eric Maisel, PhD
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris
Forever Ours: Real Stories of Immortality and Living by Janis Amatuzio
Personal Power Through Awareness by Sanaya Roman
Violence & Compassion by His Holiness the Dahlai Lama
Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
Devotions by Mary Oliver
To Bless the Space Between Us by John O’Donohue
Meditations From the Mat by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison
The House of Belonging: poems by David Whyte
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Soul an Archaeology Edited by Phil Cousineau
A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield
Listening Point by Sigurd Olson
I Sit Listening to the Wind by Judith Duerk
Dancing Moons by Nancy Wood
The Soul of Rumi, Translations by Coleman Barks
Keep Going by Joseph M. Marshall III
Arriving at your own Door by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Hidden Secrets of Water by Paolo Consigli
Conquest of Mind by Eknath Easwaran
Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown
Practicing Peace in Times of War by Pema Chodron
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Unattended Sorrow by Stephen Levine
Joy in Loving, Mother Theresa
The Joy of Living by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
Let Your LIfe Speak by Parker Palmer
Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Essence of the Upanishads by Eknath Easwaran
Welcoming the Unwelcome by Pema Chodron
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways Of Animals by Jamie Sams and David Carson

Breakfast With a Vixen

She appears early Sunday morning.
We have not even had breakfast, 
not known she was coming,
nor that she was even in the neighborhood.

I spy her in a glance, 
contemplating her meal
displayed on a stark white table
as she circles and readies herself.

Stunning in rust orange fur coat
set off with black stockings, she
reeks with pride, confidence, 
and desire for the meal before her.

We wonder what she is serving this morning,
Is it squirrel or rabbit? We hope for squirrel–
tastes like chicken they say–
but she has opted for rabbit, our last one.

She gives us a long penetrating look,
knowing our presence, not 10 feet.
Teaching us about observation, 
Watch, I will show you.

This fox’s cunning got her this feast, 
swiftness surprised her prey–
our rabbit friend, who from window I had watched
and wondered at her fear as she hunkered so.

We contemplate this raw scene,
marvel at our good fortune to perceive,
do not fault this beauty today 
as she has hunger to fill and duty to provide.

We bow to this death, now giving life.
Choice morsels eaten first–
the heart, the entrails, the warm juicy prime bits.–
fox and rabbit unite.

She shifts to a polite finish, 
washes her face in wet snow,
struggles to seek purchase of that which remains,
finds it and holds tight.

Family is now her concern, so
with a mere glance of farewell, 
rabbit in her jaws, trotts lightly off to the west  
as only a vixen can.

Crow perches near in wait for leftovers, 
but she has cleaned her plate, 
nothing remains.
Her presence found only in the telling.

©Janis Dehler
Photo: Janis Dehler

“I told her once I wasn’t good at anything. She told me survival is a talent.”
Susanna Kaysen, Girl, Interrupted

“That which is alive hath known death, and that which is dead can never die, for in the Circle of the Spirit life is naught and death is naught. Yea, all things live forever, though at times they sleep and are forgotten.”
H. Rider Haggard, She: A History of Adventure

To read more about our rabbit friend, click the link below: http://janisdehler.com/2022/01/09/resilience-in-frigid-days/

Even in the bitter cold, the sun is shining longer and the scent of spring wafts in the air. Friends are buying seeds for planting while I take time off from my January writing frenzy to clean and clear, having made space within, and now without.

On Going Resource List

The Gene Keys: Emracing Your Higher Purpose by Riuchard Rudd
Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Inform Us by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Energy Speaks: Messages from Spirit on Living, Loving, and Awakening by Lee Harris
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create an New One by Dr. Joe Dispenza
The Women by Kristin Hannah
Cosmogenesis: An Unveiling of the Expanding Universe by Brian Thomas Swimme
The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz
Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
God of Love: A Guide to the Heart of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, by Mirabai Starr
The Four Agreements: A Toltec Book of Wisdom by Don Miguel Ruiz
Mindfulness and Grief by Heather Stang
How We Live Is How We Die by Pema Chödron
The Bhagavad Gita, Translated by Eknath Easwaran
St Francis of Assisi: Brother of Creation by Mirabai Starr
Wild Wisdom Edited by Neil Douglas-Klotz
Earth Prayers From Around The World, Ed by Elizabeth Roberts & Elias Amidon
The Tao of Relationships by Ray Grigg
Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue
Unconditional Love and Forgiveness by Edith R. Stauffer, Ph.D.
Keep Going: The Art of Perseverance by Joseph M. Marshall III
Art & Fear by David Bayless & Ted Orland
Quantum-Touch by Richard Gordon
The Van Gogh Blues: The Creative Persons Path Through Depression by Eric Maisel, PhD
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris
Forever Ours: Real Stories of Immortality and Living by Janis Amatuzio
Personal Power Through Awareness by Sanaya Roman
Violence & Compassion by His Holiness the Dahlai Lama
Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
Devotions by Mary Oliver
To Bless the Space Between Us by John O’Donohue
Meditations From the Mat by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison
The House of Belonging: poems by David Whyte
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Soul an Archaeology Edited by Phil Cousineau
A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield
Listening Point by Sigurd Olson
I Sit Listening to the Wind by Judith Duerk
Dancing Moons by Nancy Wood
The Soul of Rumi, Translations by Coleman Barks
Keep Going by Joseph M. Marshall III
Arriving at your own Door by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Hidden Secrets of Water by Paolo Consigli
Conquest of Mind by Eknath Easwaran
Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown
Practicing Peace in Times of War by Pema Chodron
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Unattended Sorrow by Stephen Levine
Joy in Loving, Mother Theresa
The Joy of Living by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
Let Your LIfe Speak by Parker Palmer
Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Essence of the Upanishads by Eknath Easwaran
Welcoming the Unwelcome by Pema Chodron
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways Of Animals by Jamie Sams and David Carson

What Dreams are made of..

Dream Clouds

I found an old notebook from 1987 which holds several pages of my writing practice, all unformed stories. Like a painting, I see a wash of words seeking to form something tangible that can grow and be understood, with a fair amount of meaning. Not all in this notebook will achieve that goal, but I was able to lift some words from one page and create a poem which gave me a measure of delight. I felt like I was reaching back in time, finishing a thought, signing it, and then, letting it go.

She Didn't Get The Winnebago

She knew a man who won the Readers Digest Sweepstakes, understood
it to be true, it could happen, but still, I thought it a hoax
and threw all those letters in the wastebasket when they arrived.

She said, hey, it only takes a minute.

Aw, I don’t care. I don’t live on dreams like that. I don’t know
the ideal amount of money to be made, or have a thought of 
the ideal home or car. So, I guess I would never make it
selling Amway.

But we tried once, in North Carolina. The man came over
all excited with his great sales pitch, saying if we sold enough
we could work up to a Winnebago. 

He had invited more people, so the room was full.
We went around and were to tell 
what our dream was—tangible only—
something you could buy.

I was sitting in the last chair, near the kitchen.
The list had turned to dream homes. I said sheepishly,
I don’t have a dream home.

There was silence. 
I felt people’s sadness and embarrassment
as they looked down at their laps.

I thought then that there was possibly something
wrong with me but as hard as I could try,
I could not build that dream home in my mind.

I guess that’s why I never worked up to that Winnebago.

©Janis Dehler

“Let Your Life Speak.”
An old Quaker Saying

“Life is a process; we are shaping it with every thought. Isn’t there a saying, ‘You can’t take it with you – money, prestige, possessions, power? The only thing you can take with you is your thoughts – in fact , you can not leave them behind. Therefore, the Buddha says, work on your thoughts.”
Eknath Easwaran, The Essance of the Upanishads

It is -10 with wind. My thought today is of warm sun and kayaking on a calm lake. Enjoy your gentle thoughts wherever you are!

On Going Resource List

The Gene Keys: Emracing Your Higher Purpose by Riuchard Rudd
Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Inform Us by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Energy Speaks: Messages from Spirit on Living, Loving, and Awakening by Lee Harris
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create an New One by Dr. Joe Dispenza
The Women by Kristin Hannah
Cosmogenesis: An Unveiling of the Expanding Universe by Brian Thomas Swimme
The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz
Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
God of Love: A Guide to the Heart of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, by Mirabai Starr
The Four Agreements: A Toltec Book of Wisdom by Don Miguel Ruiz
Mindfulness and Grief by Heather Stang
How We Live Is How We Die by Pema Chödron
The Bhagavad Gita, Translated by Eknath Easwaran
St Francis of Assisi: Brother of Creation by Mirabai Starr
Wild Wisdom Edited by Neil Douglas-Klotz
Earth Prayers From Around The World, Ed by Elizabeth Roberts & Elias Amidon
The Tao of Relationships by Ray Grigg
Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue
Unconditional Love and Forgiveness by Edith R. Stauffer, Ph.D.
Keep Going: The Art of Perseverance by Joseph M. Marshall III
Art & Fear by David Bayless & Ted Orland
Quantum-Touch by Richard Gordon
The Van Gogh Blues: The Creative Persons Path Through Depression by Eric Maisel, PhD
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris
Forever Ours: Real Stories of Immortality and Living by Janis Amatuzio
Personal Power Through Awareness by Sanaya Roman
Violence & Compassion by His Holiness the Dahlai Lama
Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
Devotions by Mary Oliver
To Bless the Space Between Us by John O’Donohue
Meditations From the Mat by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison
The House of Belonging: poems by David Whyte
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Soul an Archaeology Edited by Phil Cousineau
A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield
Listening Point by Sigurd Olson
I Sit Listening to the Wind by Judith Duerk
Dancing Moons by Nancy Wood
The Soul of Rumi, Translations by Coleman Barks
Keep Going by Joseph M. Marshall III
Arriving at your own Door by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Hidden Secrets of Water by Paolo Consigli
Conquest of Mind by Eknath Easwaran
Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown
Practicing Peace in Times of War by Pema Chodron
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Unattended Sorrow by Stephen Levine
Joy in Loving, Mother Theresa
The Joy of Living by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
Let Your LIfe Speak by Parker Palmer
Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Essence of the Upanishads by Eknath Easwaran
Welcoming the Unwelcome by Pema Chodron
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways Of Animals by Jamie Sams and David Carson

The Journey to BE

El Camino: Entering the Calm
by Janis Dehler

The wonderful irony about this spiritual journey is that we find that it only leads us to become just as we are. The exalted state of enlightenment is nothing more than fully knowing ourselves and our world, just as we are.
Pema Chodron, Welcoming the Unwelcome

…the whole modern world has been laboring under this one colossal superstition – that we are not what we are, and are what we really are not… It is no exaggeration to say that if civilization is to survive, this false idea of personality has to be abandoned…we have to disidentify ourselves with this shadow image and learn to identify ourselves completely with the Self.
Eknath Easwaran, The Essence of the Upanishads

My first response to Pema Chodron’s quote was laughter. Yes, the irony of it all and how hard I worked for more than half my life trying to figure out the big mystery of “how”. How to be all that is good. How to be all that is perfect. How to be all that is someone, wife, mother, friend, daughter. As everyone born into this world, I learned about living from family and society, how to get along, how to cover up my faults, how to fill the many roles we take on, and in the end, believing that this me just needed to be better. I learned to see others through this distorted window as well, seeing them in my version of them while they were seeing me in their version of me.

A memory is triggered in the quote of Pema Chodron from the year 2001 while visiting my daughter in Boulder, Colorado. This was a period in my life with a good amount of change, empty nest, career moves, trying to know the me outside the roles I had taken on— all the versions of me. I made an appointment with a gifted astrologer, a teacher of my daughter, a young man from Israel who continues to be a friend and a wisdom figure. As we talked through what I was struggling with in feeling not enough, disconnected, the heartaches formed over the years, he simply said to me in his kind and caring manner, “Simply be you. Let the light and beauty within you shine.” My response to this man who in those two sentences seemed to be speaking in a foreign language was, “But how do I do that? I don’t know how!”

I see that younger me now and in my best Scottish accent (I have been watching way too many British shows) I say to that me, “Are ye daft, child?” At that time, in his kindness, after a pause of reflection, he offered, “There is no ‘how’, there is only, ‘be’.” I went away befuddled.

When it no longer works to live in roles and expectations, the beliefs that have not been fully questioned or opened to explore all come pouring out leaving us feeling empty, stripped of all the containers that we operate out of in our navigation of this world. There is no clear road map on how to unwind from all this learning and be, be me, whoever this me is beneath the one who knows the role and how to fill it. Just tell me what to do, A, B, or C. What is BE? To be or not to be, that is the question. To be or to how—that was my question! What I have come to know is that there is no blueprint, no how; I am the only me there is, and you are the only you.

I wonder now what it would be like to be raised believing that it is not perfection we seek but rather our wholeness as spirits embodied in human flesh that we wish to unite with and open to. Our birthright. Our reason for being. Oneness with the Divine which is ultimately one with all life. So much energy is wasted with the feelings of blaming, judging, and lack, in self and other. For years, I created suffering around feeling not seen. In truth, I was not seeing me either, merely me in the roles I played.

While there is no blueprint or rules to follow and there is no right way or wrong or good or bad in this journey of BE, there are, surely enough, guideposts. Information in our spiritual traditions that help train us to enter quiet, to open our hearts, to center in our bodies, to be of service, to forgive, to feel compassion, and to build the metaphorical muscles needed to focus and to truly see and open full hearted to ourselves, our neighbor, the trees, the moon, the stars, those we disagree with, those who hurt or wound, and all that is within us that we have held in shame, hate, or dislike.

At one time we were taught that what we think of as me, the personality, is constant. As with everything in life, rather than being constant we are in process as we learn, open, become consciously aware, and attain more freedom to choose. While we may tend to be abrupt, we learn to breathe first before responding. While we may appear intense, we learn to be calm as well. While we may be quiet by nature, we learn to speak up. While living a busy life we learn to sit in prayer or meditation. We can learn to see, face our fears, live with peace of mind, and be in compassion. Baby step by baby step we make our way beyond the learned behavior, roles, and attitudes to that place of goodness within each of us, learning to be and operate out of that, the core of our existence, one with all life, exactly as we are.

On a given day in our sitting practice, there are moments when we breathe in the vast vista before us and then there are moments when all we can see are thoughts running like a train load of boxcars, speeding across our view, laden with all the stuff of life, of the day, of then, when, and how, and we practice letting them all go. We then move into the duties of our day bringing freshness and life to the tasks at hand, not living a role, but creatively living each moment, in our lack of perfection, with purpose, and ease.

It is, it all is. This life. This love. This patience. It is this.

Learning to ‘be’ can seem like an insurmountable task that we take on until the end of this life. It is dedicated hard work in its seemingly absurd simplicity, but we enter, keep going, seeing, learning, opening, and loving, just as we are.

In Memory of Thich Nhat Hanh, a wisdom figure who moved on from this world during this past week, who has brought healing awareness to me and so many, and will continue to live on through his teachings, books, and legacy, and the energy through which he so beautifully graced our world. I bow to you, Thay.

Ongoing Resource List

The Gene Keys: Emracing Your Higher Purpose by Riuchard Rudd
Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Inform Us by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Energy Speaks: Messages from Spirit on Living, Loving, and Awakening by Lee Harris
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create an New One by Dr. Joe Dispenza
The Women by Kristin Hannah
Cosmogenesis: An Unveiling of the Expanding Universe by Brian Thomas Swimme
The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz
Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
God of Love: A Guide to the Heart of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, by Mirabai Starr
The Four Agreements: A Toltec Book of Wisdom by Don Miguel Ruiz
Mindfulness and Grief by Heather Stang
How We Live Is How We Die by Pema Chödron
The Bhagavad Gita, Translated by Eknath Easwaran
St Francis of Assisi: Brother of Creation by Mirabai Starr
Wild Wisdom Edited by Neil Douglas-Klotz
Earth Prayers From Around The World, Ed by Elizabeth Roberts & Elias Amidon
The Tao of Relationships by Ray Grigg
Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue
Unconditional Love and Forgiveness by Edith R. Stauffer, Ph.D.
Keep Going: The Art of Perseverance by Joseph M. Marshall III
Art & Fear by David Bayless & Ted Orland
Quantum-Touch by Richard Gordon
The Van Gogh Blues: The Creative Persons Path Through Depression by Eric Maisel, PhD
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris
Forever Ours: Real Stories of Immortality and Living by Janis Amatuzio
Personal Power Through Awareness by Sanaya Roman
Violence & Compassion by His Holiness the Dahlai Lama
Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
Devotions by Mary Oliver
To Bless the Space Between Us by John O’Donohue
Meditations From the Mat by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison
The House of Belonging: poems by David Whyte
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Soul an Archaeology Edited by Phil Cousineau
A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield
Listening Point by Sigurd Olson
I Sit Listening to the Wind by Judith Duerk
Dancing Moons by Nancy Wood
The Soul of Rumi, Translations by Coleman Barks
Keep Going by Joseph M. Marshall III
Arriving at your own Door by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Hidden Secrets of Water by Paolo Consigli
Conquest of Mind by Eknath Easwaran
Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown
Practicing Peace in Times of War by Pema Chodron
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Unattended Sorrow by Stephen Levine
Joy in Loving, Mother Theresa
The Joy of Living by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
Let Your LIfe Speak by Parker Palmer
Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Essence of the Upanishads by Eknath Easwaran
Welcoming the Unwelcome by Pema Chodron
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways Of Animals by Jamie Sams and David Carson

Living Like Sweetgrass

sweet is the grass that clears my mind

The forces of creation and destruction are so tightly linked that sometimes we can’t tell where one begins and the other leaves off.
Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass

Sweetgrass is a perennial grass with hollow stems and underground rhizomes. It has a purple, red, and white hairless base and can grow to about 30 inches tall. … This aromatic grass is found in wetlands, wet meadows, and marshes—all environments that are in decline due to human impact and the climate crisis.
Museum of Natural History, University of Colorado Boulder

My daughter and family gave me the book Braiding Sweetgrass for Christmas and at the rate I am going through the book, it will take a year—a readers delight of pause and reflect. The above quote by Kimmerer captured my imagination and has been lurking in the shadows of my mind for the past couple of weeks.

I think we all know deep within our bones the truth of creation and destruction as in the ocean and a wave. The ocean is a force of creation. One that is life giving and one that also takes life when the ocean forms a wave that wipes out a village. When this happens is not a defined moment but a continual ongoing process, one within the other. It is the wind within the air that takes down life, trees, and animals and is still the air we breathe to survive. It is the fire that cooks our food and warms us that burns our homes, people, animals, and forests.

What then is creation and destruction within each of us? This one is harder to see and acknowledge. I see it in our journey as humans to wholeness. I see it in the body that is moving to death and housing a spirit that is alive and creating. We know it in unwanted change that comes our way demanding that we think differently, view the world through a different lens, open our hearts to those whom we had disregarded. We all have these points in our lives when we recognize not only the growth and regeneration but the coming apart, the breaking of heart, that happens in the process. Not a moment but a process that awakens us to our own life experience. At times this can be painfully difficult, and it feels like we are being torn asunder. It can feel like a part of us is dying when in truth we are also opening to creation within ourselves.

When I hiked El Camino in 2017 with my sister, Di, the path to Rabanal, increasing in elevation, requiring our focus, our dexterity, and our will, became a visceral experience of destruction within construction. In my journal, I write, we walk more miles of forest and farmland and then on up a steep grade with a path filled with shale. We climb 255 meters and the last 2.5 kilometers of distance through what Di, terms “Golgotha”, the hill in Jerusalem which was the site of Jesus’ crucifixion. We climb through paths of shale with each step tiring and challenging as the shale slides beneath our feet. Further along we encounter a fence that runs along the trail for a few miles and is lined with crosses that people have made from sticks, branches, and bits of cloth, left over the years, and attached to the fence in various ways. There is no way to really prepare for this day. It is one of images, reflections, and exhaustion.

The Shale Path

This unfolding of effort, exhaustion, and recognition was not a point but an awareness—our destruction within our construction. The entire journey was an unfolding of self, an enlarging of self, a recognition of self within Self, the Sacred, the Holy.

“Golgatha”

While we were just building our strength after barely a week of hiking, this point of the journey felt like we were beginning to be taken apart. It did not start here, nor did it end at the destination of the trip. It is life, the ongoing process of humanity. Later that night trying to sleep in exhaustion and cold, I felt like I had regressed to my six-year-old self, wanting warmth, comfort, and feeling lost in a sea of emotion and thoughts of suffering that the images and experiences of the day highlighted for me with many religious depictions and training from childhood floating through my mind. In this dark moment, I felt like I was merely surviving but, in truth, I was thriving.

There was a seed of truth that I awakened to during this night that allowed for change in me and an opening to joy in the subsequent days. Suffering is not the goal, nor is it of value in and of itself. Suffering is not the same as pain; my suffering was being created by my desire for all that was not available to me on this night, with old emotions, memories, and attitudes running through me, and my concern for tomorrow and how we were going to make it if we went on in the way we were currently managing things.

There is an adage that states “pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Pain can be experienced at an emotional, physical, psychological, or spiritual level but it is how we create our stories around our pain or painful experience, our fears that form, our willful desires that get triggered, that creates our suffering. Our suffering happens when we ignore or try to stifle that which is painful rather than fully feeling, allowing, and bringing awareness to our experience. I felt relief over the next couple of days as I gradually opened to my feelings and could choose to change my thinking and thereby my full experience as it unfolded—creation within destruction— realizing that we could accommodate this pilgrimage to our needs, that there is not one way to walk the Camino nor life itself. As Di was being injured physically, we could create options that best suited us, allowing our hearts to open to the challenges and the joys before us in each day, supporting ourselves and each other.

It thrives along disturbed edges.
Robin Wall Kimmerer, Braiding Sweetgrass

We all long for peace, love, and comfort, and it is hard to understand anything thriving in “disturbed edges” as sweetgrass does. When I attempt to relate this statement to my life, I remember arriving at an understanding developed over the years that my body needs warmth, warm moist food, stability, and routine that I can count on. You can keep your disturbed edges, thank you very much! For years I disregarded what my body needed as I disengaged from my body and put my interests elsewhere. I now understand; it is not in the comfort and ease I seek through which I grow, as that keeps me stable and in a resting point, nor is it through the suffering that comes from ignoring or resenting, as that keeps me blind and my heart closed, it is through opening to the disturbed edges of my mind, my life, the losses, the discomfort, as well as the beauty and the joys that bring me to awakening, to freedom of choice, and to mindful compassionate living, for myself and others.

Do we merely survive, or do we thrive? Surviving allows us to move from one thing to another making sure we have what we need to make it through, trying to avoid pain while trying to feel love and some measure of happiness. To thrive, we don’t run from the pain but enter it with our whole being, letting it create within us. Like sweetgrass that grows in areas of decline and sends out its rhizomes deep within the earth stabilizing the land and creating new life that will mature to fullness all down the line, we accept the fullness of our lives in pain, comfort, joy, and sorrow, and send out the sweetness of self to bring new life into the world in joy and forgiveness, and kindness.

I want to be like sweetgrass, thriving along disturbed edges. But hey, give me a calm routine day, any day, and I will joyfully rest for a bit in its stable support.

On Going Resource List

The Gene Keys: Emracing Your Higher Purpose by Riuchard Rudd
Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Inform Us by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Energy Speaks: Messages from Spirit on Living, Loving, and Awakening by Lee Harris
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create an New One by Dr. Joe Dispenza
The Women by Kristin Hannah
Cosmogenesis: An Unveiling of the Expanding Universe by Brian Thomas Swimme
The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz
Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
God of Love: A Guide to the Heart of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, by Mirabai Starr
The Four Agreements: A Toltec Book of Wisdom by Don Miguel Ruiz
Mindfulness and Grief by Heather Stang
How We Live Is How We Die by Pema Chödron
The Bhagavad Gita, Translated by Eknath Easwaran
St Francis of Assisi: Brother of Creation by Mirabai Starr
Wild Wisdom Edited by Neil Douglas-Klotz
Earth Prayers From Around The World, Ed by Elizabeth Roberts & Elias Amidon
The Tao of Relationships by Ray Grigg
Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue
Unconditional Love and Forgiveness by Edith R. Stauffer, Ph.D.
Keep Going: The Art of Perseverance by Joseph M. Marshall III
Art & Fear by David Bayless & Ted Orland
Quantum-Touch by Richard Gordon
The Van Gogh Blues: The Creative Persons Path Through Depression by Eric Maisel, PhD
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris
Forever Ours: Real Stories of Immortality and Living by Janis Amatuzio
Personal Power Through Awareness by Sanaya Roman
Violence & Compassion by His Holiness the Dahlai Lama
Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
Devotions by Mary Oliver
To Bless the Space Between Us by John O’Donohue
Meditations From the Mat by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison
The House of Belonging: poems by David Whyte
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Soul an Archaeology Edited by Phil Cousineau
A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield
Listening Point by Sigurd Olson
I Sit Listening to the Wind by Judith Duerk
Dancing Moons by Nancy Wood
The Soul of Rumi, Translations by Coleman Barks
Keep Going by Joseph M. Marshall III
Arriving at your own Door by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Hidden Secrets of Water by Paolo Consigli
Conquest of Mind by Eknath Easwaran
Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown
Practicing Peace in Times of War by Pema Chodron
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Unattended Sorrow by Stephen Levine
Joy in Loving, Mother Theresa
The Joy of Living by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
Let Your LIfe Speak by Parker Palmer
Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Essence of the Upanishads by Eknath Easwaran
Welcoming the Unwelcome by Pema Chodron
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways Of Animals by Jamie Sams and David Carson

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer

The Spirit of a Loving Heart

The Legacy of a Baker's Heart

At 14 and full of me, I could be 
walking home from school on
a snowy cold winter day, 
not dressed for the weather 
in only a skirt and knee highs, with
a warm coat but no boots or a hat.

On opening the door to our home
I know it is Thursday with
apple pie 
cooling on the counter, 
meatloaf in the oven,
and a house that is toasty warm.

I don’t need a calendar 
to tell me the day because 
I know where I am 
by the smells from the oven
and the baking created the same
each day, in every week.

On Monday we will eat 
warm bread from the oven
leaving leftover dough
for the plump caramel rolls that
on Tuesday morning,
greet us like a warm hug.

Wednesday, we arrive
home for lunch
to eat a quick sandwich 
or a bowl of soup
and then dive into
a warm fried donut.

We know what Thursday brings,
and that takes us to
Friday when we eat
whatever cookie 
her baker’s heart desires,
or maybe the kitchen is closed. 

Oh, the weekend is special
as we wake Saturday morning, 
to watch cartoons, then line up
at the stove with plate in hand
to receive our grandma
pancake, the kiss of heaven.

Sunday may be a day of rest
but after church there is
a beef roast or fried chicken
with a mouthwatering desert
that could be my favorite,
German chocolate.

Mom, the baker
and so much more
but while she had to cook,
baking was in her soul, and
it is how she showered us
with love and her affection.

Cinnamon, flour, sugar,
and of course, oil, with fruit
and berries, chocolate, and 
vanilla creating so many smells that
I now appreciate and understand, filled
With love, in her own language, of the heart.

I was motivated to write this poem through d’verse, a site for poetry with a different challenge every week. This week was to write a poem about a food memory in verse style. Writing it not only warmed my heart but made me hungry! I carried on the pie making as did my sister who also marvels with her cakes and cookies. And always a holiday memory for me is mom walking in the door bearing all the baked goods.

What are your food memories?

Resilience in Frigid Days

As we create our worst images of life up ahead, we bring into form that which we dread.

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Scared Little Rabbit… Please drop your fright!
Running doesn’t stop the pain, or turn the dark to light.
Jamie Sams and David Carson, Medicine Cards

New Year’s Eve morn, -14 below,
the world is awake, in gentle first glow.
I look out the window, facing due west,
the one at the sink where my eyes seek to rest.
Now a view of the scruffy old pine and red oak
and the ground under cover, a downy white cloak.

In sight is a mound of rounded grey rock,
one that certainly is not part of our stock.
It is large but not large and odd in shape.
I stand steady and still and try not to gape,
in wait, with focus, and vision unclouded,
a small movement twitch as two ears are sprouted.

The rock unfolds into rabbit, huddled in cold.
He thinks unseen, like my once two-year-old,
with eyes shut tight, he thought himself hidden.
Now this pine, low in needles, must be forgiven.
It offers little for shelter from mighty eagle;
a fragile net for his fears, so sadly feeble.

Hour after hour, day after day,
I check as rabbit sits in endless display.
Why are you here little one? Where is your home?
The spirit message dawns as I gaze at his form.
Fear turns us cold, rigid with fright, the
what if’s create fear for all, not yet in sight.

As we create our worst images of life up ahead,
we bring into form that which we dread.
We hide ourselves away from all that we love,
as we fear that the worst will pounce from above.
While fear of true danger is a friend in our day,
creating fear for our life keeps delight at bay.

On this day we acknowledge a list of our fears;
we write them, speak them, and bless with tears.
We come into our breath and blow them away.
Sacred Source, take them, we cry, without delay!
Our truth is our guide and has always been so.
Our heart is relieved as now it can flow.

I will not fear for you. I will not fear for me.
When ready inside, you will hop from this tree.
On this new day of living, it is surely enough
to be present and strong with a will touched by
love.
We will persist. We will have changed.
With resilience through loss, we now feel
unchained.

Today, you are off, if I am not deceived.
Your message was given, and now received.

Spirit of Rabbit seemed to demand rhyme in telling his story, a first for me. Fun to write and fun to read, it kept me hopping through and through. Dr. Seus most certainly the Muse!

On Going Resource List

Jamie Sams and David Carson. Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways of The Animals. Bear and Company, 1988.

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On a Winter Day: A Broad View

…eagle power of Spirit reminds us of our connection to the Divine in creating vision for our life…

Life is like a landscape. You live in the midst of it but can describe it only from the vantage point of distance.
Charles Lindbergh

There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire imperfect messy life.
Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance

On this cold winter day, we gaze out the windows facing north to the river, watching the chickadees, purple and yellow finches, cardinals, and woodpeckers scuffling for feeder space. We lose ourselves, entranced in the beauty before us.

Suddenly, it is quiet as we watch them all fly off into the bank of spruce that shelter our home.

We look up and see the two eagles fly in from the north following the Rum River to our house. As the river cuts left, so do they, with a tight bank, wings unfurled, bellies facing us. They fly a couple of loops and then continue south. They then return to the north and circle back and give us more north to south loops and exhibitions. An hour later I check, and they are still flying in circles overhead. I am reminded of the Blue Angels flight demonstration we saw years ago with the pilots looping, banking, showing us all their stuff as they proudly flew. Today, this display of flight feels more personal, close to the heart, inspiring, touching my imagination.

I ponder the eagle view of the world, the broad scope with intense focus, the vision that informs, instructs, reminds us of who we are and where we are headed. Our view on terra firma is small and can easily narrow in our day to day living. We get lost in the minutiae of our days, the details of managing our lives. We get lost in our busyness and the highs and lows of our experiences. When we take time to pause, we wonder, where am I headed, what do I need, what do I consider important and of value in my life? Am I living what I value?

We find that it is more often our losses, fears, and anxieties that bring us to our knees, our chair or cushion, our prayer or meditation, our journal. The times when we review the vision for our life born from our intuition, our creativity, and our imagination. We remember then and deeply question who we are and where we are headed. It is then we enter the interior landscape, the sacred seed of our existence, the light that shines within.

Just as turtle reminds us to walk slow on the earth mindful of where we plant our eggs— our creations, and bear reminds us to rest in this season, conserve our heat and energy for the coming spring and summer, so too does eagle power of Spirit remind us of our connection to the Divine in creating vision for our life, to boldly scan the horizon, take stock of where we are, look back to review and accept the life lived in its imperfections, then look forward and carry on.

What does it mean today that eagle came into my view? Maybe this pair was on their journey for food or just enjoyed the air currents in this day. While I can talk myself out of any meaning, I choose to trust what I felt in the first sighting of this pair—joy, delight, awe, and a reminder of a broad vision in my life, our life. Creating clarity for the journey, the values lived, the will to move forward.

At the end of our life, the full landscape will be in our awareness, but today I can also choose to look over the landscape of this day. Did I live what I value in this day? Did I bring full expression of self in this day? Did I bring kindness, compassion, and love in this day? Can I accept with loving kindness the imperfections, in this day?

As we enter 2022, we look back at 2021 with the challenges and the joys of living, the losses and the new life that came into our world, the disappointments and the surprises that added to our existence. None of it perfect, some of it beyond our comprehension, but all of it what we lived.

As we walk forward into 2022, we can choose to look back further and see all that has brought us to this moment, to this doorway. We scan the broader landscape of our life and say, yes, it is my life, all of it. Then, we look forward and walk through to a new year bringing all the wisdom and imagination that we have formed during our time here. We bring all of this to our new year. as we co-create with Spirit, each day, our future.

As always thank you kind reader for your presence here. Wishing us all, a new year of interior connection to the light within, moments of grace, full expression of self, faith in the future, and a vision that is formed in creative, intuitive, and imaginative self.

Happy New Year!

*the eagle photo is a free stock photo as in the joy of the moment we did not get one.

Embracing The World

One World: The Heart of Compassion
18 x 24 Acrylic ©Janis Dehler

Walk in kindness toward the Earth and every living being. Without kindness and compassion for all of Mother Nature’s creatures, there can be no true joy, no internal peace, no happiness. Happiness flows from caring for all sentient beings as if they were your own family, because in essence they are. We are all connected to each other and to the Earth.
Sylvia Dolson, Joy of Bears

One love, one heart, one destiny.
Bob Marley

This week we walk into 2022. Whereas we might have floated into the year, or danced, cheered, or slept into it, this year as the last, Covid is at the gate taking tickets. He is a wily character, and we prepare ourselves as we wait to walk through. We have our tools as we each choose: our mask, our vaccinations, our booster, we keep at a distance, we dare not let down our guard. We thought we were done with him, but he is persistent having found a way to recreate himself. He is a living force in our world.

We do not want to start a new year in fear; it does not serve us well and creates an energy around us that is suspicious, paranoid, and hypervigilant. It creates our future. While Covid may be our future for some time to come, we need to find within ourselves a sense of peace with life as it is and an awareness of the world around us that breeds joy, compassion, kindness, and respect for all.

Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, I was educated both in the church and in school to understand human as the master of the world, dominant to all living creatures as well as nature. There was nothing we could not do, create, or envision. All the world was our playground, and we left our trash everywhere. Then our playground moved into space, and we littered the heavens with our debris. We caged animals, destroyed indigenous families, tore asunder mother earth.

In the year 2000, I created and offered a retreat on the paradigm of a creation myth envisioning and understanding that each creature tells us something about the All, God, Universal Consciousness; there is an energy or spirit that permeates everything, every rock, water, tree, wind, fire, every human, plant life, and animal; we live in an interdependent universe, the All, Spirit, God, expressing itself through creation, through us and all.

As I review this retreat today, it seems so simple and innocent back then, lovely concepts to meditate on and attempt to be aware of as we walk the earth. Now on the cusp of 2022, we understand these concepts as vital to our survival. To save the world we must remove ourselves from the place of control and power at the top to be one with, truly understanding and living interdependence with all life, with Universal Mind, energy, Spirit. The fishes and the seas and the birds and the air, and all plant and animal life will live very well without us, but we will not survive a moment without them.

The arms depicted in the image above are collective arms, not the arms of one benevolent being but the arms of every one of us bringing through and living out love, compassion, kindness, and forgiveness. There is much suffering in this vast world. There is also generosity, kindness, and giving hearts. As I sit with this image and recall everything on earth including the children, the abuser, the farmer planting the seed, the developer burning the rain forest, the warrior saving lives, and the dictator killing for greed, I acknowledge that I must accept every bit of life as one energy force being lived out through each unique personality. Personalities that have become distorted in their development, some lost in greed, fear, or addiction, and others who live gently, filled with light and love, and a wide array in between. Life on earth is a vast field of differences.

I can begin to feel overwhelmed when I stretch these thoughts out further and further. Then, I realize that as I return to the core, my breath, the seed of these vast thoughts, I remember, it is all one web of pulsing energy. Active love that is either circulated and transformed or impeded and halted. It is simply me and you being love, allowing flow in and through us, or becoming rigid in our pain, fear, or hate, and stopping the flow within and without.

In showing care in our day, responding with action when needed, understanding, listening, truly listening, every one of us could in this way do much in acknowledging and upholding animal life, the vegetation, those we do not like or even despise, as well as those we know and care for; we will then actively embrace the world together, in community. This is not easy work. It takes courage, conscious living, and will. There are many days when we fall short but we wake up the next day ready for another challenge.

This we can claim: we are not the master but part of; we are not dominant but interdependent; the laws of the universe are meant to be lived with, engaged with, brought into relationship to.

As we step into 2022, we walk with courage, allowing joy, peace, and love to enter our hearts and radiate out to all life. Our pleas for help are answered in varied ways and it is up to us to respond, each in our unique way. We live creation. We watch for the ways we are being lifted so that we might live our best lives. We open to the energy of the universe, dance with it, play in it, create in it.

May life’s blessings shower upon us, may all love surround us, may our hearts be filled with peace. May we all live through the core of our humanity as embodied spirit.

Happy New Year! ¡Feliz año nuevo! bonne année!

frohes neues Jahr! с новым годом! Shanah Tovah!

saehae bok mani bada! Buon anno! Szczęśliwego nowego roku!

Xīnnián hǎo! šťastný nový rok! hauʻoli makahiki hou

Naya saal mubaarak ho!

And to all, peace, happiness, good will.