It is spring and I am practicing setting good boundaries with my deer friends who have increasingly befriended our property and my plantings. While they enjoy a chomp on a green and succulent Hosta; clip off the top of the prized Asiatic lily that I have been waiting to see for two years; leave me phlox that stand stripped of their vibrant purple; I am left dealing with my feelings of being invaded by those who are not aware of what it is they do. In one word: fences. I have been planting fences. Telling myself this is mine and that is yours. Will it work? As in all relationships it is an unknown, but I am making change for me with a desire to live happily with those who love our land and bring beauty when they visit. Life is about connection, is it not? Letting it all go without stating my honest feelings and clarifying my position feels unsatisfying and lacking in integrity. How can I get upset when I have not done my part? Yes, Robert Frost, let us hope that “good fences make good neighbors.”
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”
I gave birth to him then to her,
watched them grow as their new eyes
sparkled to view the world.
Trust deepened, love widened our hearts,
from babes, to teen, young man, and woman,
we bonded at birth, then traveled beyond.
They learned from us as they grew,
words formed; dreams emerged
as each leaned in, then pulled away.
A road must be taken
to free the spirit, to widen
their world and test their wills.
We stayed connected, a door wide open,
when need arose we were there.
We watched, we waited, we celebrated
as their own babes were born to hold, and
that which opened their hearts to their new.
The circle continues as their youth grow, now
ask to let go and watch them take their leave.
When does it evolve from parent to child,
to parent to parent, to parent to friend,
from you to me? We learn from each other,
as the door left open allows us to be,
who we are, not the role.
Now we meet for lunch and museum tours,
we discuss our lives, the challenges, the joys,
the achievements, the gains, the hopes, and fears.
This journey of life has given us those who
journey with us in various ways, but
it is grace indeed that has allowed me to see
how this man and this woman grew from a seed.
Feeling pride as I observe theses lives, I see
choices made from where they birthed
that mirror ours from so long ago,
and admire their ways of improving the task,
their own creative spirit that walks at their side.
Each are more than child to me,
we are all fellow journeyers,
seeking all that we can be.
“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.”
Anne Frank
“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway… let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.”
C. JoyBell C.
“Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.”
Kahlil Gibran
Ongoing Resource List: Reading for Heart and Mind
The Gene Keys: Emracing Your Higher Purpose by Riuchard Rudd
Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Inform Us by Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Energy Speaks: Messages from Spirit on Living, Loving, and Awakening by Lee Harris
Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create an New One by Dr. Joe Dispenza
The Women by Kristin Hannah
Cosmogenesis: An Unveiling of the Expanding Universe by Brian Thomas Swimme
The Mastery of Love, Don Miguel Ruiz
Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
God of Love: A Guide to the Heart of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, by Mirabai Starr
The Four Agreements: A Toltec Book of Wisdom by Don Miguel Ruiz
Mindfulness and Grief by Heather Stang
How We Live Is How We Die by Pema Chödron
The Bhagavad Gita, Translated by Eknath Easwaran
St Francis of Assisi: Brother of Creation by Mirabai Starr
Wild Wisdom Edited by Neil Douglas-Klotz
Earth Prayers From Around The World, Ed by Elizabeth Roberts & Elias Amidon
The Tao of Relationships by Ray Grigg
Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom by John O’Donohue
Unconditional Love and Forgiveness by Edith R. Stauffer, Ph.D.
Keep Going: The Art of Perseverance by Joseph M. Marshall III
Art & Fear by David Bayless & Ted Orland
Quantum-Touch by Richard Gordon
The Van Gogh Blues: The Creative Persons Path Through Depression by Eric Maisel, PhD
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris
Forever Ours: Real Stories of Immortality and Living by Janis Amatuzio
Personal Power Through Awareness by Sanaya Roman
Violence & Compassion by His Holiness the Dahlai Lama
Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh
Devotions by Mary Oliver
To Bless the Space Between Us by John O’Donohue
Meditations From the Mat by Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison
The House of Belonging: poems by David Whyte
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Faraway Nearby by Rebecca Solnit
Soul an Archaeology Edited by Phil Cousineau
A Path With Heart by Jack Kornfield
Listening Point by Sigurd Olson
I Sit Listening to the Wind by Judith Duerk
Dancing Moons by Nancy Wood
The Soul of Rumi, Translations by Coleman Barks
Keep Going by Joseph M. Marshall III
Arriving at your own Door by Jon Kabat-Zinn
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Hidden Secrets of Water by Paolo Consigli
Conquest of Mind by Eknath Easwaran
Color: A Natural History of the Palette by Victoria Finlay
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) by Brene Brown
Practicing Peace in Times of War by Pema Chodron
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron
On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Unattended Sorrow by Stephen Levine
Joy in Loving, Mother Theresa
The Joy of Living by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
Let Your LIfe Speak by Parker Palmer
Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Essence of the Upanishads by Eknath Easwaran
Welcoming the Unwelcome by Pema Chodron
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways Of Animals by Jamie Sams and David Carson
